I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
