Jerry, you need to find god
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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