I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
