my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
