We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
