it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
