This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
