I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
