I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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