The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
