Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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