Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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