my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
