That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
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