you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
