there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
