whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
