I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
