If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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