im so drunk with asians
where?
always
she told me i tasted like america
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
