the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
