I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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