Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I have feelings that need drinking.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
