I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I feel like a drive thru vagina
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I have aggressive nipples.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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