I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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