I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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