every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
