R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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