My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
