Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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