so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
