ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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