he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
