Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
