dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
