You can't special order awesome
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Congratulations! We have a period
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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