dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
