She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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