Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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