Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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