Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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