I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
