i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
