How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
