I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
