So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
time to smoke my breakfast
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
