arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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