Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
