Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
