tell your sister to shave her snatch
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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