I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
