OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
