We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
